11-30-13

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11-29-13

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I am thankful...

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I am thankful that no one expects me to cook anything...like....ever!

Happy Thanksgiving!

11-27-13

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11-26-13

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11-25-13

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11-24-13

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11-23-13

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11-22-13

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11-21-13

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11-20-13

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11-19-13

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11-18-13

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11-17-13

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11-16-13

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Happy Birthday to ME!!!

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11-14-13

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11-13-13

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I need your help!

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Ok, the highly offensive and illegal frame has been removed from my tag and a photo has been taken as proof.  Even though I now think my poor tag looks a little naked without the frame it has to stay off because a certain Miami Beach police officer is on the hunt for cars with frames around the tag.  I am so glad that I live in an area where major crimes like this are given top priority!

Now, I need to write a letter explaining that the frame has been removed and that I have been reformed and that the entire world is now a safer place.  Here's my problem...I don't know what to say in the letter.  I mean...I know what I would LIKE to say, but I would prefer to stay out of jail.

Here's where your help is needed.  What should I write?  I figure I have several choices, just let me know which one is your favorite....


A) I could go all hipster cool...

So, this lame ticket was put on my car and it says I owe $37.  Whatever! I was collecting parking tickets long before it was the cool thing to do.  Besides, I pay way more than that for my skinny jeans, ironic t-shirts and non-prescription glasses.  I don't think I should have to pay this fine because I am so over Miami Beach.  The indie music scene here leaves a lot to be desired.  Everyone knows that Williamsburg, New York is where the really cool people are.  In fact, we're so cool that we deny being cool.  We pretend to be lame...like your ticket.

B) I could go all paranoid conspiracy theory...

I know you've been watching me for a long time.  I hear the hum of the drones over my house every night.  I can't take it anymore!  I didn't even put that frame around my tag.  The aliens did it!  Yea, it was them...and...and Tom Cruise!  They did it!  They use the frame to spy on the drivers behind me.  They're watching to see how many drivers pick their noses at red lights and stop signs.  I can't take it any more!  It was either the frame around my tag or getting probed.  Let's face it, NO ONE in their right mind wants to be probed by Tom Cruise!  I don't think I should have to pay this $37 fine.  Send the bill to Tom!  Besides I  need this money to buy a bus ticket out of town.  I have to go live off the grid.  I need to be somewhere that you, the aliens and Tom Cruise will never find.


C) I could go all thankful reformed convict...

I am forever grateful to the vigilant police officer who placed this $37 ticket on my car.  At 
first I was angry but now I see the the error of my ways.  This police officer has changed and probably even saved my life.  You see, I was a wayward Kindergarten teacher heading down a very dark and lonely path.  Who knows where I would have ended up if not for the kindness of this uniformed stranger.  Driving a car with a frame around the tag is just a gateway crime.  Had I continued driving around like that who knows where I would had ended up six months or a year from now!  It probably would have led to drinking orange juice after the expiration date and pulling tags off of mattress' just for fun.  And then, before you know it, I'm the freaking Walter White of South Beach.  Please excuse me from paying this $37 fine.  I would like to use the money to start a new more meaningful life.

D) I could go all Bonnie and Clyde...

You really want this $37 dollars?  Well, come and get it, coppers!  I got some high cholesterol donuts and I'm not afraid to use them.  Come and get 'em!  I've also got some whole milk, but you'll need to bring your own coffee.  I don't touch that stuff.  However, I could take $37 from you and go buy some coffee.  How'd ya like that idea?  Huh? Huh?

E) I could go all wounded victim...

Whyyyyyy meeeee?!?!  I wasn't doing anything! I wasn't even in the car when the ticket was placed on the windshield.  It's not my fault! Everybody just always picks on me.  I used to think that cops were the good guys, but now I know you're just bullies like everyone else.  My mom says that you're just jealous cause you don't have a frame around your tag and I should be nice to you, but I don't want to be nice to you if you aren't nice to me.  I'm tired of everyone picking on me!  I don't want to pay this $37 fine. I want to use the money to download sad music so I can play the same songs over and over as I lie in bed and pretend that I'm a pretty, pretty princess just like my mom says.

F) I could go all concerned citizen...

Recently, I received a $37 ticket because of an illegal frame that was surrounding my tag.  I know that keeping up with these serious crimes is a burden on an already overworked and understaffed police department.  Instead of paying this ticket, I would like to volunteer my time as a crime fighter. You can concentrate on the serious tasks of placing these all important $37 tickets on parked cars and I'll take care of the mundane less serious crimes like robbery, murder, rape, etc...  Maybe I could wear a cape and you could give me a badge and I could run around yelling things like, "Stop in the name of the law!"  I know you may think I'm totally unqualified, but judging from the number of cars with illegal frames around the tags that go unticketed everyday, I don't think you can afford to turn down the help!


Of course, I also need a backup plan.  You know, in case my wonderful letter doesn't work and I have to pay the ticket and/or get arrested.  Let's face it, depending on which letter option you vote on, the chances of my needing to cough up $37 is pretty good.  So, how will you support me?  Make your pick below....

1) I'll bake a cake with a file in it cause your looney butt is definitely going to jail! (If you go with this option, I prefer vanilla cake with chocolate frosting)

2) I'll contribute to your defense fund (if you go with this option, thanks and please notice the paypal donation button on the left hand side of my blog.)

3) I'll make and sell "Free Ginger" t-shirts then retire in the Bahamas on the profit I make while you 
rot away in prison. (If you go with this option, I WILL find you, someday...you know, when they let me out)

4) I'll contact my cousin "Big Shirley" inside the big house.  She's doing 25 to life, you don't want to know why.  Anyway, she'll protect you.  (If you go with this option, thanks....I think...)

5) Forget prison! Run! Run like the wind!  I'll contribute money so you can pay for plastic surgery, fake passports and a one way ticket out of the country.  (If you go with this option, thanks...and once again please notice the paypal donation button on the left hand side of my blog)

6) I'll set up a kickstarter account and raise money to make a lifetime movie about you. (If you go with this option, please get Heidi Klum to play me) 

7) I'll move to Miami Beach and order in fajitas on a regular basis so the cute fajita delivery guy doesn't go broke while you're in prison. (If you go with this option....look but don't touch!  He's mine!)

There you go!  These are your options.  Please help anyway you can.

 Of course, in all fairness, I should be up front and let you know that I was on SERIOUS amounts of cold medication when I wrote this post.

Hot chocolate anyone?

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I wanted hot chocolate today, but I didn't have any and I didn't feel like getting dressed to go to the store.  I did have some cocoa powder with a recipe on the side for making hot chocolate.

Seriously! Did you know you can do that?  Hot chocolate doesn't have to come in a pre-measured packet!  I didn't.  I had the cocoa powder because I used it to make zombie blood ...last year. Lol!

I called up one of my friends and asked her about it.

Do it.....she said

It will probably be better than the packaged stuff...she said

I think I remember my grandmother making it that way when I was a kid....she said

So, I did it.  It was very chocolately and kind of lumpy and I'm NEVER doing that again.

What is going on?

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I seriously think someone forgot to send the universe a memo about it being Me-vember!

First I get a stupid $37 ticket and now I've got a sinus infection.

I tried telling the doctor that I thought I had been poisoned.  You see, I was feeling great and then I walked past a house that was tented for termites.  It had the "warning poison" signs posted everywhere!  It was a windy night and I could see the tent moving with the breeze.  I was practically past the house when I noticed that the wind had caused some of the clips holding the flaps together to fall off.

I was holding my breath as I passed in front of the house, but you never know!

The doctor managed to not laugh at me as she assured me it was just a sinus infection.

11-9-13

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You can't make this stuff up.....

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I called to find out about that stupid $37 ticket I got Wednesday night.  It wasn't because there was no money in the meter and they knew my tags didn't expire until the 15th.  Get ready for this.....

See the frame around my tag?  That's the reason I got the ticket!

The lady I spoke to in the clerk's office clams they are illegal and have always been illegal.  I was just lucky enough to be spotted by a police officer who decided to enforce that law.

Seriously!!!

As I drove home from work today I counted all the cars I saw with some kind of frame around their tag.  Want to know how many I counted?  Well I'll tell you.....

I counted exactly three hundred and fifty GAZILLION!

Well, maybe my count is off by a little because I kept singing along with the songs on the radio and forgetting to count.  But, there were still LOTS of cars with LOTS of frames around their tags.

Don't even get me started on the two cars and truck I saw that didn't even have tags!

I've been told that if I take the frame off, take a picture to prove that it's gone and write a letter explaining what I've done that maybe.....just maybe I won't have to pay the $37.

I've already thought of several things to say in my letter, but sadly, those things will only raise the cost of the ticket. Lol!

A good, a bad, an I don't know what and one freaking "it figures" for good measure.

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Ok, so I was meeting friends for dinner.  The restaurant is close enough to where I live that I could have walked, but I was out and about and decided that if there was an open spot on the street I would go ahead and take it.  If there wasn't an open parking space, I was going home to park and then walk back to the restaurant.

There was an open spot!  It was on the corner and I slid right into it without having to do my awkward "I have no idea what I'm doing and so it takes me five minutes to parallel park" routine or give up get out of the car and hand the keys to a total stranger while begging them to please just park the stupid car for me.  (Yes, I have actually done that!)


Since the parking space was there and waiting for me I was actually a few minutes early for dinner.  I decided I was on a roll and could tackle the tough job of figuring out how to change the clock in the car.  I did it!  Of course, I ended up using my phone to google how to do it and was late getting into the restaurant.

Who cares! I changed the clock within the first week of the time change and now I don't have to drive down the road, glance at the clock and have and have a mini panic attack thinking that I'm late for work when I'm actually early.

GOOD!

Dinner was great and the conversation was awesome!  I bragged about my parking space and how the clock in my car was set to the correct time and how I was just pretty much awesome all around.

You need to know that I drank nothing but water at dinner!  Honest!  Nothing but water, and that is an important detail for the BAD part of this story.

After dinner, we all parted ways at the door of the restaurant.  I walked to my car in it's awesome parking place, opened the door and proceeded to get into the car.  But, somehow, I missed the car and managed to fall off the curb.  That's right, I was stone cold sober, holding onto the open car door and still managed to fall off the curb.  It's the truth and sadly there were plenty of people on the sidewalk to witness my fall.  Of course, I'm sure they all thought I was drunk and somehow, it's a little less embarrassing if they do.  Lol!

BAD!


As I was driving I hope I noticed a flier had been placed on my windshield.  Don't you just hate that!  I was hoping it would just blow off the car as I drove the short distance home.  That didn't happen though, so after I got home I grabbed the flier and was all ready to throw it away when I took a quick glance to see what it said.  It's a good thing I looked!  That stupid flier was actually a parking ticket.  A $37 parking ticket!

I don't get it!  I thought...and still think...that you don't have to feed the parking meters after 6pm.  According to the clock in my car it was it was 7:10pm when I pulled into that parking space.  That means it was actually 6:10pm (remember, I hadn't set the clock yet!).  The ticket was issued at 6:37pm.  Which means it was pretty much placed on the car as soon as I got inside the restaurant and out of site the "ticket crazy" person who placed it there.

I was already planning the "nice" conversation I would be having with someone from the clerk's office, when I noticed that the ticket wasn't for an expired parking meter.  It says "unlawful object/decals on license plate".   That confused me even more!  What are they talking about!

I went back out to look at my tag and see if someone had placed a crazy illegal sticker it while I was parked in that awesome parking space.  Thay hadn't!  My tag looks just like everyone else's!

Then I realized what they think I deserved a ticket for.  My tag expires this month...on my birthday....9 days after this stupid ticket was placed on my car.  My tags aren't illegal....yet!

I DON'T KNOW WHAT IS GOING ON.....but I guess I should be glad they're over the whole thinking that I'm driving a stolen car that they stopped me for awhile back.


As I was headed back inside I stopped and checked the mail.  There was some junk, a few sales ads and one very important thing.....the new updated sticker for my car that says it expires 11/15.

IT FIGURES!

Seriously!

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I have been in an absolute rotten mood and I really think it's all because of the time change.

I will be nice....I will be nice....I will be nice.....

You guys totally rock!

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So, I noticed this a couple days ago but didn't say anything because I was sure that it was a mistake.  However, nothing has changed so I'm going with it and saying a BIG thank you!

My blog seems to have received over one million views!

You guys are awesome and maybe just a little crazy, but you're my stalkers and I love you!

Day of the Dead Celebration

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Saturday was all about the rib festival and the Day of the Dead celebration.

 Sunday was all about napping!

11-3-13

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11-2-13

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It's Me-vember!

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It's finally my favorite month of the year!