"Hello everybody! It's me, Ginger" I heard what sounded like a hundred voices calling out hellos and whistles in response. "Well, I guess I don't have to ask if I'm on speaker phone." I laughed into the phone.
"Hello, Ginger! All the regulars are here and we've even had a few more people join the party. I have personally made sure that everyone has a fresh drink and I'm standing by with the board to update the tally marks. So far the score is winners over losers 2 to 1. What news have you got for us today?"
"I managed to track down two of the guys I dated in college. They both live in Greensboro. Do you want the long stories or the short ones?"
There was lots of shouts in the background. It seemed that the crowd was divided as to whether or not they wanted the long version of my stories.
"Oh my God, you guys, stop encouraging her! Ginger, I demand that you check yourself into a hospital right now." I could hear Gail getting booed in the background.
"So, Gail, how's that petition of yours coming along?"
"I don't know what you're talking about. Are you having hallucinations now? Ginger, you are off your rocker and you need to come home before something bad happens to you!" Gail screamed at the top of her lungs.
"It's too late, Gail. Something bad has already happened."
"Oh my God, did you get arrested? Do you need bail money? Do you know where you are? Do you know who the President of the United States is?"
"Calm down. I can only answer one question at a time." I said laughing.
"Well..." Gail waited for my answers.
"The answers are no, no, yes and unfortunately I do."
"Oh you think you've got jokes? Well, they aren't really going to help you out when you finally get locked up in the loony bin. Now, are they?"
"Gail, leave Ginger alone! I own this bar so I get to ask all the questions. Ginger, whose picture is on the ten dollar bill?"
"How am I supposed to know?" I shouted.
"Hey, the girl sounds normal to me. Let's get down to it! Ginger, tell us up front where this weeks tally marks go and then we'll move on from there."
"Well, put the first mark on the loser side." I could hear all kinds of cheers and people were saying something about free drinks in the background.
"Ginger, it's Linda. I was in the bathroom because I had to pee. What did I miss?"
"Not much really. I just told them that they needed to add a tally mark to the loser side." There were more cheers in the background.
"That's so cool! Now Hal owes everyone a free drink! Did you know that he promised everyone a free drink for every loser you found? I don't think he thought he would have to buy any more drinks after last week."
"I'm so glad I could make you guys happy." I mumbled, "But the bad news is that you also have to add a tally mark to the winners side of the board."
"That makes the score three to two everybody! Ginger, are you ready to come home now?"
"No, Hal. I'm flying to New York in the morning. I think I have another old college boyfriend that lives there now." There were more cheers and boos in the background.
"Ginger, my boy toy wants to hear the loser story!" A drunken Grace shouted out.
There were yet more cheers in the background. I really don't think people get this excited at Super Bowl games.
"Grace, I'm glad you're there. How are you?"
"I'm drunk, thank you very much! Hal is making us special Ginger-ritas in your honor."
"I'm afraid to ask, but just what is a Ginger-rita?"
"It's a blue Margarita on the rocks with L shaped ice." Gail proudly announced.
"Why is the ice L shaped?"
What sounded like three hundred voices all answered my question at once... "LOSER!"
"Gee, thanks for the vote of confidence, guys." I just wanted to cry.
"Oh Ginger, he's not calling you a loser! He's hoping you'll find some losers!"
"Well, I found one. Do you guys want to hear the story or not?"
In response, I heard people chanting, "Ginger-rita, Ginger-rita..."
"OK, shut up you hoodlums and listen..."