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Friday, January 13, 2012

The Story of Me part 23

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(***Now you'll begin to learn what happened when Harmony could no longer live with Grandma Pat.)

People Who Loved Me
Gene and Mary Harrison

The Harrison’s were always good to me and I feel badly that I never loved them the way they loved me. I hope they were able to understand that the fault was all mine. They deserved to be loved. I should have loved them and a part of me even wanted to, but I was broken. I was broken and the pieces of my heart didn’t fit together correctly anymore. Love was something strange to me. Love was something that never lasted. Love was something that wasn’t worth the effort.

The Harrisons had wanted children when they were younger. They planned on having a large family, but that wasn’t what life had planned for them. The Harrisons filled the void by taking in foster children when they were younger.

There was one adoption attempt that fell through after the birth mother changed her mind and took the baby back. They were so hurt by that betrayal they stopped taking children into their home. They said that it just hurt too much when the children left and they couldn’t live with the pain anymore.

When I could no longer stay with Grandma Pat the Harrison’s took me in. They didn’t have to do this and I will never forgive myself for the things I said to them or for the pain I caused them by not returning the love they gave so freely.

There used to be times when I would revisit certain days in my mind and change the way things went and the things I said or didn’t say. Days when I would picture myself returning a smile or a hug and saying the words, ‘I love you, too’. Those were wasted times…wasted days. I couldn’t change the past or make the pain I caused go away. The only thing I could do was move forward and try to learn from my mistakes.


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