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Sunday, September 9, 2012

I will not...

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I will not change names to protect the innocent in this retelling of my day. Mostly, because I don't know the names of the people I'm going to talk about (driver of the silver Toyota Sienna) and they aren't very innocent anyway!

Let me start by telling you that I have a doctor's appointment on Monday. An appointment that I really don't want to go to. An appointment that I probably should have gone to before now, but I didn't want to and so I used school starting as my excuse to postpone.

Well, you know how doctors are! In the last three weeks I've gotten several reminder phone calls telling me how important it is that I not miss this appointment. Once I actually talked to the girl from the doctor's office and twice there were messages left for me. There were other phone calls too, but I didn't answer them. As a matter of fact I was getting so tired of the "reminder" phone calls that I wanted nothing more than to blow the appointment off altogether.

Friday afternoon I got another phone call from the doctor's office and I answered that call. I answered ready to give them a piece of my mind. Ready to tell them that the only way I would even think of coming to the hospital was if they promised to never ever called me again. That's what I was going to say as soon as I heard the fake cheery voice reminding me of my appointment.

There wasn't a fake cheery voice with a reminder. Instead there was a request to get some additional blood work done and an exasperated explanation of how they've been trying to contact me.


I woke up this morning after getting 10 cold medicine induced hours of sleep and even though I wanted to just stay in bed I got up, kind of showered and headed out to the closest LabCorp office with Saturday hours so I could get that additional blood work done. By the way, the closest LabCorp office with Saturday hours isn't all that close!

I arrived at the LabCorp building around 9:30 and took the stairs up to the third floor because the elevator looked like a small cardboard box that had seen better days. I walked into a waiting room that was FULL of people. After signing in I took the last seat and fought the urge to sneeze on everyone.

I waited and waited and waited. I played on my phone, I checked my email, I sent text messages to everyone I've ever met in my life, I may have actually sneezed on everyone and I waited and waited some more.

After an hour and a half of waiting I finally get called back so the vampires can take my blood. The guy very kindly asks, "How are you today?" I very honestly replied, "I'm ready to get out of here!" He didn't have a response for me, but I think he enjoyed sticking that needle into my arm a little too much!

The guy drained me of as much blood as he could, stuck a band-aid on my arm and sent me on my way. I headed back down the stairs and out to the parking garage where I found a stupid silver Toyota Sienna blocking my car.

The parking garage wasn't much of a parking garage. It consisted of maybe 15 spaces under the building. The stupid Silver Toyota Sienna decided to make it's own parking space and in doing so blocked my car as well as five others. I wasn't worried about the other cars because I was the only one standing there trying to figure out what kind of idiot would do this to people. I walked around the van, but I have no idea what I was looking for. I said some things out loud that I probably shouldn't have said and told the van how stupid I thought it was.

After waiting for what seemed like hours, but was really just minutes I headed back up the stairs to LabCorp. I walked into the still full waiting room and asked if anyone there was the driver of the silver Toyota Sienna that wasn't in a parking space and was blocking my car. No one fessed up to being the driver.

I walked the second and third floors of the building and only found one other office that was opened. (The first floor was actually the parking garage.) I stood in the waiting room of that office and asked the same question. There were about six people there and they all just stared at me. When no one responded in any way I asked if they understood English. (I wasn't trying to be rude. The TV was set to a Spanish speaking station.) When they continued to stare at me with no reaction I told them that I had been there since 9:30 and that I just wanted to go home. I didn't even have to pretend to sound sad because I really did want to cry. When I still got no reaction I walked out and headed back down the stairs.

Once I reached the parking garage again, I walked around the stupid van and continued to call it names. I considered kicking the stupid thing, but decided that was a bad idea since I would hurt myself more than I would hurt the van. I opened my car door and blasted the horn several times. I know that was a waste, but it kind of made me feel better. I punched the license plate of the stupid van into my phone and headed back up the stairs again.

I walked back into the LabCorp waiting room that was still full, got every one's attention again and read off the plate number of the stupid van. Once again no one claimed it, but some people started getting angry for me. lol! I think they were tired of waiting and were ready to take their frustrations out on someone. You should have heard them...

Random kid: Call the police
Random lady: That van belongs to someone. They just need to move it.
Random guy: Do what you got to do. Have it towed!

I asked the guy working at LabCorp if he would ask in the back to see if the van belonged to anyone there. That also got no response.

I must admit that the people in the waiting room were ready to lead a revolt and if I had been the owner I would have been afraid speak up!

I walked out and headed into the only other office that was opened. The very same six people were sitting in the waiting room. What I didn't realize right away was that one of the guys from the LabCorp waiting room had gotten up and followed me. That's right----I had back up! lol!

I once again asked about the van and read the licence plate number. My newly acquired body guard repeated my message in Spanish. (At least I think he repeated my message.) There was still no reaction from anyone. No change of expression, no words spoken and no heads nodding. NOTHING! I started to get a little afraid as I wondered about just what kind of doctor's office I was standing in. I looked at the expressionless faces and once again announced that I just wanted to go home.

My body guard was standing in the doorway so he could watch the elevator to see if anyone from the LabCorp office made a run for the parking garage and I rang the bell to get the attention of who ever was hiding behind the frosted glass.

As soon as the glass slid back I started talking to the guy and I swear people started gathering behind him to listen as I explained my story and showed him the plate number on my phone. I guess they weren't sure what to make of the blond, English speaking girl who sounded like she wanted to cry and kept saying that she just wanted to go home or her newly acquired body guard that was keeping one eye on their waiting room and the other on the hallway in front of the elevator.

The guy took my phone said he would be right back and closed the frosted glass. I turned around to see the expressionless silent faces watching me and thought, "Great! My car's blocked in the garage and I've just given my phone away!" My body guard was no longer standing in the doorway so I figured he had already dumped me.

Several minutes passed before the guy came back to the window and slid the glass open. He handed me my phone and said that the person driving the van was going to move it. I couldn't help but notice that the audience that had gathered behind him before was gone. I asked if they were coming now and if they could hurry so that I could go home. He told me that they had already moved the van.

The loser had kept me waiting while the van owner went out a back way and moved the stupid van so that they wouldn't have to face me. OK, maybe it was the body guard they were really hiding from, but either way they were scared and they should have been!

I exited the office to find my body guard patrolling the hallway. He asked if I was ok and I told filled him in on everything. He asked if I wanted him to go with me to the garage, but I assured him I was ok and thanked him for his help. He made a comment about how crazy people were and I think I fell in love with him right there.

In my mind, I pictured the scene from The Body Guard where Whitney Houston and Kevin Costner ran into each others arms. In reality, we shook hands and then I sneezed and headed toward the stairs as he walked back into the LabCorp waiting room.

Oh well, we'll always have LabCorp.

As I pulled out of the garage I saw the stupid van parked along the street and stuck my tongue out at it. Again, I know that was a waste, but it really did make me feel better!


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