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Sunday, August 17, 2014

I tried to run away today!

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The last two weeks have been horrible for me.  HORRIBLE!

School is starting.  Changes have been made.  People have been moved.  Backs have been stabbed.  I've heard nothing but, "You can't", "You don't", "You won't", etc.


It's taking a big toll on me and my spirit and my soul.  A bigger toll than I can even start to explain.

I woke up this morning and got angry because I didn't have any Pop tarts.  Seriously!

I have no idea why I thought there should be Pop tarts in the house.  I can't remember when I last ate a Pop tart.  I mean, it hasn't been days or weeks or even months.  It's been decades, people.  DECADES!

Angrily, I got dressed, grabbed the camera, blasted some classic Springsteen in the car and hit the interstate in search of Pop tarts.

I'm not sure why I thought there would be a need to photographically document the purchase of Pop tarts.  I'm not sure why I got on the interstate when the grocery store is literally blocks away.  Honestly, I didn't even realize that I had done either one of those things until some time later. 

When the radio station I was listening to no longer came in clearly because I was out of range it was like I came out of a trance and realized what I was doing.  I immediately had two thoughts...

1. I don't think I'm in Dade County anymore!

2. I can do this!  I can just keep going and never go back.  I have $60, a credit card, a half charged phone and a car that is still fixed wrong.  I can do this!

I decided it was going to be wonderful!  I would drive until I found some quaint little town in another state that didn't even have a school and then I would stay there forever.  I would be the mysterious stranger that was new in town and didn't want to talk about where she came from or why she left.  I would meet a tall, handsome stranger with a questionable past and he would remind me of what it was like to be happy and carefree.  Together, we would become the town's "it couple".

It was going to be just like a Nicholas Sparks novel and it was going to be awesome!

I knew that the first thing I needed to do was get off the interstate.  You have to travel on back roads when you are running away from the city and searching for a quaint town.  I mean, everybody knows that, right?

I didn't find my tall handsome stranger or a quaint town with no school.  I never even made it out of Florida.  But, I did find some interesting things.  Things that looked the way I felt.....empty, discarded, abandoned, unwanted, alone.

Note to self and to others:  Take the camera and disappear more often.  It's the best therapy there is!

I stopped for gas and as I got back into the car I heard my phone ringing.  I didn't get to it in time, but it was Orange Croc Guy and I had missed several calls from him.  I sat there staring at the phone while trying to decide what to do when he called again.  The strangest phone call in the world went like this...

OCG:  Where are you?
ME: I didn't have any Pop tarts!
OCG: You eat Pop tarts?
ME: I have a sucky job and an even suckier boss and I'm not coming home because I don't want to go to work on Monday.
OCG:  I thought we had plans today...
ME:  I'm not coming home.  I'm running away.
OCG: You don't have to run away from home.  Quit acting like this...
ME:  Quit telling me what to do!  I'm tired of no one listening to me!
OCG:  OK, I'm listening...


OCG:  Are you there?
ME: Yes.
OCG:  Where are you?
ME:  I'm not sure.
OCG:  Are you coming home?
ME: No.
OCG:   Why not?
ME: There's no reason to.
OCG:  I bet you can think of at least one reason to come home if you try.


OCG:  Ginger?
ME:  Well....in October...The Walking Dead comes back on.
OCG:  OK, I'm gonna need you to dig a little deeper here.
ME:  There's Me-vember.
OCG:  Anything else? Anything at all?
ME:  Christmas...I like presents...
OCG:  OK, why don't you just call me back when you figure out what you're doing.

We ended the call and I hit the road again.  I found this place...

I decided to spend a little time here because I was seriously in need of some serenity!

It was while walking these trails that I decided I needed more than $60, a credit card, a half charged phone and a car that is still fixed wrong.  I needed some important things like clean underwear and a toothbrush.

After several hours and a little help from the GPS, my melt down was over and I headed for home.  Several hours after that, I arrived to find OCG sitting on my couch.

OCG:  You decided to come home?
ME:  I didn't have a toothbrush.

Right now, as I type this, there is a Walking Dead DVD playing on the TV.  There is an over sized, half full bowl of popcorn and four empty beer bottles on the table in front of me and OCG is snoring beside me.

Right now, as I type this, my life is good and I am happy and I never even got those damn Pop tarts.


  1. Oh hon!!! Bless your heart - you get some messed up days don't ya? You have tons of people sending love your way - next time you feel the need to run away, let us know and we'll go with you. I'd send ya some PopTarts but you didn't mention what's your favorite kind. Hugs kiddo

  2. I'm so sorry life isn't fun right now! You help make my life better just by reading your exploits. Tie a know in it and hang on....it will get better or God will open another door for you! Thank goodness for OCG!!!! Hugs!

  3. Saw the pix on FB last night! They're so cool! Totally love the lights and the stairs. Great eye.
    As I sat reading about your day, all I could do was smile and SMH....... I've absolutely felt just like you OH so many times over the last six months. School starts for us after Labor Day and I'm NOT excited about what I might find there. Spring was total upheaval and no one's bothered to tell me what's changed or stayed the same..... We shall see. I've lived by the mantra for the last 17 years..... "I can do anything for 9 months".... Right? We will survive girlfriend!
    Glad you had a successful meltdown and now your back to the land of the un-living! <3

  4. Whoa when you have a melt down you have a great one xx. I love it that someone was watching after you and directed you to Serenity Park - they knew you needed to walk those trails and decide that you didn't have enough to run away with. You didn't mention anything about OCG and how you felt seeing him at your house - just wondering - did he figure into one of the things you came back for?? He sounds like not too bad a guy - someone you could count on. Sometimes when I am working at school my mantra is I can get to recess, lunch or 3pm which ever is closer on the day. Sometimes breaking down to hours seems more doable than say a school term/year. Good luck though it seems that everyone here on your blog is sending you heaps of love and hugs and you will be alright. Xxxx

  5. I think we have all felt just like you did at some point in time. it's okay. and yep, pop tarts are totally worth running away for. (pardon bad grammar) sending you big hugs!

  6. As usual your word art is right on. Your melt down account is touchingly funny. I feel your desperation and i know I have been there. Your have great coping skills with guardian angels both ethereal and earthly. Your word art has many a time "made my day."
    Bombalaya! Hang in there!

  7. Welcome home, see you didn't need those poptarts, you needed a "Me" time break. Love the sentiment today. Every time I see glitter I think of this little OLD lady that was shopping with her great granddaughter. SHe was looking at some glitter makeup. "Grandmother said- Oh I like this one!" GGD said-"Grandma You are too OLD for glitter!" Granma said" I'm too OLD for glitter when I'm dead!!!" Ha ha ha, I said you go Grandma!

  8. Cute story...you should try your hand at writing...might just be your 'thing'!!! Thanks for sharing...I'm sure all of us have wanted to run away at one point or another. :)

  9. Meltdowns are sometimes necessary. And OCG is totally one of those things you came back for. :-)

  10. I love your stories!!!! I don't think Cindy John has been a follower for long to not know you ARE A WRITER!!!
    Hugs, Heidi



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