PLEH!

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I should have saved yesterday's wordart for today, because today truly was a waste of make up and I wasn't really wearing much. Of course, I guess the "Bless this mess" works too because today was a messy waste of make up. lol!

I ran out to the store earlier today and made it home okay. There was some kind of hold up at the gate when I got home and I sat there waiting. I had my window down and I was thinking about what a great job I've been doing of not losing my resort pass for the past two weeks. The guys at the gate are still giving me a thumbs up and saying "Good for you" when they see I have it.

Anyway, I'm waiting for my turn to get into the gate, with the window down, holding my resort pass thinking about how these guys are probably going to plan a parade in my honor if I can go for just a little while longer without losing the stupid thing. That's when I did it---I dropped the pass. I dropped the pass and it fell down into the window part of the door. I was pretty amazed that it fell into the door like that. I mean I couldn't have gotten it in there if I had actually been trying to.

I pull up to the gate and tell the guy that the good news is that I do have my pass and the bad news is that it's inside the car door. He laughed at me. He asked if I would believe that it happens all the time and I said no. He said, "Good, because it doesn't." Then he laughed some more and opened the gate for me.

I take off in search of Orange Croc Guy to see if he can get the stupid pass out of my car door and he acted like I did it on purpose. I didn't do it on purpose. I couldn't do it on purpose. My aim isn't that good!

OCG had to take the inside panel off the door to get my pass and he complained the whole time. I asked him where all the anger was coming from and what he was really mad about. Wrong question!

OCG informed me that when I leave for school in the mornings he lays even odds on whether or not I'll be able to find my way back home. I informed him that I used to get lost, but some nice person painted lines in the middle of the road and now I just follow those lines and they always lead me straight home. He was not amused!

Later in the day I ran into someone that I had met years ago with Charlie. They went to school together or something. I didn't even remember him, but he remembered meeting me and asked about Charlie. That's how long ago it was that we met. He didn't know about Charlie passing away. I managed to choke back the tears and tell him, but it wasn't easy. Over four years later and I still cry. I'm such a baby!

I know that someday I'll be able to talk about Charlie dying without crying, but today was not that day. The only problem was that I was in a place where I really couldn't cry. I was around people who barely know me. People who never knew Charlie. People who have no idea that at one time in my life I was lucky enough to be loved by such a wonderful man.

I tried my best not to cry and to think about other things. I managed to hold the tears back for a few hours. But, in the end, I broke down and cried in front of about six people I don't know well enough to cry in front of.

It was the kind of crying where you're trying to stop but can't so you just cry more. They were trying to figure out why I was crying and I couldn't say the words again so that made me cry even more. Then they just kind of looked at me like I was a freak because I was crying and no one knew why which also made me cry more. It was awful!

On my way home, I threw my cell phone onto the seat beside me. Now, I have no idea where my cell phone is because I somehow managed to lose it in the car. How does that happen? I swear I spent five minutes looking for it when I got home before I just gave up and went to sit by the water.

I had been sitting outside for quite a while with my thoughts and memories when Orange Croc Guy joined me. He had been looking for me and was just starting to get worried when he looked outside and saw me. He could tell that I was not in the best of moods. He just sat there beside me for a few minutes before he started talking.

OCG: I've been trying to call you.

ME: I didn't hear the phone ring.

OCG: Where's your cell phone?

ME: I lost it.

OCG: Where did you lose your cell phone?

ME: In the car.

He waited a minute while he thought of the best reply, then told me to look on the bright side.

ME: What's the bright side?

OCG: You found your way home.

I think that was the only time I smiled all day.